 I suppose I could write...well, nicely. In neat rows. Tucked in, no frayed ends. Write in rhyming prose. Correct spelling and grammar. Dotting all i's and crossing all t's. Making sure my sharing doesn't reveal...too much. Hide the stains. Cover the scars. "Don't tell your business!" is what I hear as I type. But, I'm gonna.
I have to. I want to free the experiences. My very human ones. You know, similar to what all humans experience. Some don't share much, some do share and I am always reminded by the ones that share, how the Universe spins around each of us and how our stories and sharings can be the medicine for the person that just listened to you pour your heart out.
This brought on just a second ago. A little disagreement with my love. A little bit of some worked up energy between us was let loose. It sucks, yes, but it is nothing in comparison to what I've experienced in the past. It still does suck. And I cried. I carried a glass of red wine (which I don't drink much of) wiping tears under my glasses and sniffling downstairs to my garage studio. I sit staring at my computer, feeling a familiar feeling. Slightly depressing but willing to smash it all into some writing. Some deep words, some laying out naked kind of stuff. That kind of stuff that you don't mind stirring in because you know it will unearth some things. Some things that need a quick back door get-a-way. This feeling, I can now turn into medicine, an elixir for the soul, some soothing remedy for the wounded, dizzy, lost and disconnected moments. The kind that made artists sort of crazy.
But, I am in a different place now. I understand and have befriended the "Emotional-Guides". Allies and challengers doing their thing. Having me choose. Offering opportunities. Places to swim, grab a floaty but this time, I don't have to drown. This is different. *sips wine*
I will begin by shedding some skins.
I feel like an imprisoned creative, but yet I am free. I struggle with the physical part of my creative ideas and projects.
I dislike being such a freaky sensitive person.
I dislike that I am constantly adjusting the energy around me to help others, even complete strangers. It is noticeable. It makes me seem really awkward and weird.
I am the eccentric one in my entire family, both sides...really.
My sensitivities sometimes keep me in the house too long.
I often have difficulty changing environments. From leaving my nest- to car- to picking up kids and back home is exhausting.
I dislike that I notice way too much. Empaths are like highly trained detectives that never have a break and work for free.
All this negative release is sort of crappy too, but there is some gold in here. Yes, the alchemical process of pure release. Transmuting that energy into flakes of gold and bits of crystal. So, you see...sometimes you feel like the only person in the world having an experience, but there might be someone in front of you, in line at the grocery store or coffee shop that has or is having a similar or even more intense experience. If the two of you sat down and released by story sharing, it would probably be very healing.
Are you the one that can relate to this? Did this remind you that we are all human having humanly experiences at different times, in different places, from the vantage point of different bodies? Here, here is some soothing salve for you to put on that wound. Then when it's healed up, we can compare our scars and tell their stories. Offering soul medicine for the taking.
| | A precious gentle elephant made it's way into my heart, directly through the tunnel vortex of my third eye. During a Reiki attunement, she made herself visible, Her glistening eye shined and pierced into my soul. We gazed at each other in reverence, connection, and sacred calmness. A complete oneness occurred that silenced everything else out, we were inseparable. I made a mental note and thanked her for her visit, yet I didn't understand it much. Second time, she made herself visible during a spirit-reading. She told me to hop on her back and allow her to carry me to the meeting place where I meet with the spirit-world. She felt safe. She was strong and beautiful. She was gentle and grounded. We traveled slowly, but it was quite relaxing and serene. I felt the love imbued in her aura. She stood next to me during the entire reading as I conversed with the Spirits, and when I was done: she bent her head down so that I may climb up on her back once to travel back into the physical plane. She is my Spirit Helper and Guardian, yet she had gifted me with so much more... As totem: she is wise, embodies strength and power. An Elephant will give you insight into the power of the three feminine energies: maiden, mother and old wise woman (or crone). Through the use of fragrances and incense, Elephant can guide you to new energies and power. Elephant also gives you a thirst for knowledge and understanding. Family is very important to Elephant, especially the very young and the very old. Elephants care for their elderly rather than push them aside and very protective of their young. They have a soft spot for the weak and helpless. Loyalty is another quality that Elephant teaches. How to remain loyal no matter what anyone says about your friend or family member. For Elephant, they always come first. :::source::: | Expressing happens because of this brilliant and sacred connection. And, before I begin the creative process, I open up; become as a clear a vessel I can be.
First Layer: Spirit helpers & messages, symbols, shapes, colors, scribbles...vast openness.
More layers, more colors, the message/expression begins to reveal itself.
Mi Elefante Sagrado {My Sacred Elephant}.
There are teachers because some haven't discovered the language to describe their very experience of life-living.
We're all here just trying to describe this experience, yet we've likened to the idea of word matter.
The solid form of phrases and stories- and the labeling of this or that.
We've mastered the art of distinct and descriptive grouping and categorizing.
And all our characteristics and humanly symptoms describe what you are made of, what you can do, and who you are.
All according to computer generated quizzes and physic interpretations from outside sources.
This- all very fine, but...
There is this Spirit that fuels every minute detail vibrating pure existence into the infinite waves of life. Into:
A rock.
A stick.
A baby.
A butterfly.
A dust particle.
Your lovers laugh.
The noise of the train sliding against it's tracks.
It is in everything. It is everywhere. In every crevice. Every beam, music note, every flower's breath and every hidden nothing.
We should not limit this experience to paragraphs, grammar checks, stuck writing teachers or roadblocked writers that carry bows and arrows.
Misspelling is required, in fact it is part of the expression- so full and alive, a new language is birthed.
Art speak.
Animal translation.
Hand language.
Dance dialect.
Music talk.
Mother prose.
Nature tounge.
Words can no longer give it name. It's substance is too rich.
It makes my eyes close as my pen dances on smooth paper with mountains of line. A world of its own. Setting free word matter, trying to describe this very experience.
It makes my heart stir, my bones rocks, my soul jump and my spirit flutter.
I must move.
I must move in graceful juxtapose.
I must move.
I must move my body to it's ionic rhythm and allow my hair to funnel and shake away all of the unnecessary letters.
It has simply outgrown verbal language. It can no longer fit that template. It has outgrown it's roots and is ready to rise above.
It spreads it wings.
It only has wings. Watch it fly.
There it is flying.
Flying...you see.
As it should. As you can be.
~Melissa Ixcheldevi ©2012
Circles we dance and seeds we plant. Take this knowledge, children and fasten to the wheel of life.
{a creative video journey}
Messages from my backyard. When weary, lay upon our backs and open up to the allowing flow of comfort, safety, rootedness and centered awareness.
Soul-focusing requires being in the mud, yet glory-filled with eagerness to experience and openness to transform.
When aligned to the greater self, all humans are teachers. Allow your alignment to flower and bloom and others will stretch to reach for their expanded selves.
Love heals.
It was quite some years ago that I discovered a warm and wonderful space online that offered so much clarity and comfort around my confusion regarding my sensitivities. I gloriously stumbled across Ronni Ann Hall's web-space and online fairy school. You see, I've always found refuge in nature. Always feeling renewed when spending time surrounded by trees, flowers and big gaps of beautiful sky. Early on, as a child, I grew and experienced life through a very unique lens. I could feel, sense and see so much more than what my physical eyes took in. I didn't understand this and had very little support that led me to the decision that I just had a wild imagination and I should keep it to myself. So, my body took a beating...it took most of the blows. It grew weak and toxic. I never accepted my "abilities". I didn't even know about them. I ignored all physical reactions and intuitive hints. I begin to accept that I was damaged. That set me up for a most fear-based and difficult path. It was at this time, that I begin to search for relief and healing and what I found was that there were others...others like me, others experiencing very similar things. I came to understand that I was a "sensitive being" and that I had been living a pattern of taking on and feeling all the energies around me. This awareness brought me into a new light, a new level, and a greater and more conscious ME. So I sought out support and begin to explore things that interest me, one of them being; The healing energy of nature. I was attracted to Ronni's work because:- Her art is comforting and uplifting.
- Her wisdom reminds you to look within into the treasure house of your own inner wisdom.
- She has a unique way of teaching that offers so much clarity, especially to the "sensitive-creative".
- And, she understands and works within the realm of the nature spirits.
All this- very important to me. Very.  In Ronni's book: Help, I'm Sensitive, I once again, felt empowered and recognized. This book is filled with tools and medicine for the Sensitive-Empath. Ronni has a way of explaining how energy works from a very wise and clear place that is easy to understand and take-in. Just by the way she defines a "Sensitive" is so helpful and totally shifts any negative ideas one may have with being "Sensitive". "Definition of 'Sensitive' Important distinction: gentle soul does not mean delicate. You can be sensitive and intuitive and still be a source of strength and will."Are you a Sensitive or Intuitive Empath? Check out Ronni's online quiz here.I look forward to working more closely with Ronni and experiencing her comforting wisdom in depth in her very awesome online school! I HIGHLY recommend her book: Help I'm Sensitive. Especially if you have just begun to understand and work with your Empathic skills or if you have children that are "Sensitive Souls". You can purchase here:http://ronnispsychicroom.wordpress.com/e-books/ And it also comes in Kindle Edition!
I learn about myself everyday.
Yes, I have scars. They are beautiful. They tell stories.
I can't help it but allow myself the pure joy to fill every cell when I am in the state of appreciation for what I have come to know
and be.
I can talk about all the drama, the pain, the experiences that left me bruised with memory that clouded my life.
But why?
I am Divine.
I am greater than any illusion that I have added energy to.
The bliss is so broad and massive that it squeezes my heart.
There is nothing I want more than this moment...and this moment...and this moment...and this one...and that one...and that one coming.
She cracks me up. (c) Melissa Fernandez 2008
My Aunt, a lovely gentle Mexican mama, that proudly spoke one language and treasured all little children- always said to do all things "con amor" (with love) and you can't go wrong. In other words, are you vibrating love as you choose? And when doing things, what are you putting into it.
These two little words were carried on...
Every year, my family planted a garden and lived off the bounty all summer and into the fall. As a child, I learned how amazing the Earth was and how good she is to us. You drop a seed in one of her creases and add some water and by the time you know it, fruit is flourishing. My mother taught me to plant; to work the soil. There we were, knees cradled by the earth, taking seeds and folding them into the rich soil and as we covered them, she would ask me to place my hand on it and send love and say a prayer into the little seed. She is the one who really taught me about "Reiki." She taught me what it really meant to lay the hands on someone or something. "Con amor" she would say. "Just like your Tia (Aunt) says."
Little did I know I was learning how to work the soul (soil). Digging deep, offering-in reverence: seeds, nourishing, visioning, positively expecting beautiful fruit. And I did, as a child...in wonderment and dreamy visions, I did see plants growing wild and vines wrapping, clinging to enclose a secret garden. I saw colorful fruit and vegetables sprouting endlessly with smiling faces. Happy and content fruit. I spent summer days under the trees gazing at the garden and morning visits to watch the dew drip from the spider webs that glistened along with the tomato plants. I am the gardener of my soul. Tending, seeding, planting, growing, following the cycles of life.
There is wisdom there ya know. Our souls will carry throughout...lifetimes over. They carry what we yearn to know, what we desire to learn. It's already there. Deeply woven beyond this space we call "the soul."
When a star in space dies and disappears from sight, its essence, its elemental energy, remains as an invisible residue. After some time, its basic elements merge once again, causing a new star to be born.
~Taro Gold {Living Wabi Sabi}
What lies in the soul, needs no formal training, only a remembering. So, whatever it be...whatever calls to you from an inside place...from a soul place...from a higher vibration, choose love and choose your own way. It's the right way. Your way is the right way.
Choose love and then choose your way, it's embedded within and lives as a flickering light.
January 2011On the Eve of this New Year that is coming to an end, I spent time within a sacred space with other spirit-seekers and joykeepers in a four hour long meditation. We sat on pillows and breathed our way through to the gate where the space in between lies. It's magic brought me to a place of infinite BEingness. I was one and I was whole. With short breaks in between we got to set glorious space for the coming year of 2011. I am in such appreciation for this opportunity; this event that I cherish. Thank you Rev. Pattie and thank you everyone at SCPL for gracing me with such a powerful gift that after a full year's journey, I can look back and remember where I started.Later that month, I celebrated my birthday with my Soul-Family in Aptos, California. I had the chance to spend a weekend with my teacher/mentor/dear friend, Rev. Michele DeMoulin. As I type this, I can't help it, but release in tears. They are tears of great appreciation for this wonderous, precious, wise constant force and angelic earth angel I met in 2008. Since the first time I spoke with her on the phone, the clarity was so rich and powerful that it brought me to tears. I knew she was to be my teacher. It was during that verbal exchange with Michele that I began my growing/healing journey of coming into my full power. I am truly honored and deeply grateful.  Walk on the beach in Aptos, California. January 2011 | |
February 2011
I began to explore the new area I had made home the precious summer. I allowed the natural surroundings to attune me. We got to know each other, they welcomed me and repeatedly tried to convince me that they'd been waiting for me.
March 2011I was re-birthed this month.With the lovely guidance and beautiful ceremonial gifts of Bishop Shirley of The Madonna Ministry, I was soulfully guided to re-enter the planet fully, whole-ly and sacredly. This was an initiation into a greater me and later this month, I became ordained through the ministry to begin my own "ministry of love" to others in the form of life-art and in the form of what Bishop Shirley calls "sacred witnessing". I act as a soul-guide, a reminder that you are whole, sacred and divinely holy. Ask me, and I will count all the glorious things that make you- YOU and treasure each story the scars offer. They feel like beautiful storytellers to me. Pieces of artful life experience. Let me count the ways...
April 2011I posted my first posting on my blog/website...after many years of having a private webspace and numerous blogs since the age of 23. It took bravery on my part...finally opening and stepping out, revealing and embracing vulnerability.
May 2011I began to sing my secrets. I also began creating spaces around my home that would support the work I was stepping into. Further readying the nest to birth creativity. I write about my journey into my Goddess Mother Heart. _I start sharing my poetry.June 2011I make peace and get closer to a softer space with my issues of my religious upbringing.My personal message to one million people.I get to witness the birth of two baby hummingbirds in a tree at my dear Goddess-Friend Jill's house. We watched quietly in delight and excitement as the mother sat silently in her nest and a week later, two babies were born.  May 12, 2011 Mama Hummingbird in her nest. |  May 20, 2011 Two babies waiting to be fed. |
I co-create with my dear Soul-Sister, Maya Zaido a picture story e-book dedicated to the Fae-Folk. July 2011
My conversations with the nature spirits are amplified and we began story sharing in gardens, parks and nurseries.
August 2011I write about The Miracle of Letting People Be.I hop aboard a pirate ship! . . . at a Pirate Festival that is. September 2011I write about my "sensitivities". I find a café where Angels serve coffee. I create a visual meditation about trees and nature...mostly about trees.I co-create a mini medicine circle with my kids in our backyard. October 2011I go into a sacred creation state to build an "Ofrenda" (altar) with my dear Goddess Friend, Jill for the 14th Annual Altar Show in Nevada City, California.November 2011My new e-course Way of the Wild Woman starts and a circle of Brilliant Women gather together to journey into the innate Wild and Soulful feminine. I get crafty and open up the studio to share some creations. Fall time, family time, favorite time of year.
December 2011I met my soul-sister, Maya Zaido online- amongst a women's circle community. We live on opposite sides with many states in between. We knew we'd eventually travel and meet one day. It happened quicker than we had thought! She traveled to California and our reunion story is here: Journey Sisters. I become more of ME and embrace MYSELF on a deep soul level by celebrating my soul's essence with a renaming ceremony. My name changes... read more here. I celebrate the "Light-Within" during Winter Solstice. Wonderful Christmas family time that I treasure.
_Blessings to you in the new year. May you bloom into the RICHNESS that IS YOU! Here's to a FANTABULOUS 2012!
Melissa Ixcheldevi
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